Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
