I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
