He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
