By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
