I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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