My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
