Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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