How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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