People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
