I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
