i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
