well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
