apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
