He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
