How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
