It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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