Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
