Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
