My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My life is pants optional.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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