I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
