Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
