she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
