Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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