So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
