I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
