Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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