We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
