you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
