i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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