I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
