Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
