Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
