guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
