Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
