I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
