I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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