it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
