Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
