You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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