If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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