there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
