no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
