Will you blow on my dice?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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