fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
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I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
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Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Canadian or clown?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.