she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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