Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.