proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
