and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want her autograph on my taint
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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