We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
