tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
