It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
