You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
