He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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