heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
