I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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