Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
