I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
