I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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