You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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