i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
