There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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