I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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