fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
