Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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