I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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