If that was your dad, he is hot
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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