just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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