It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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