is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
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It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
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Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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