Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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