The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
