Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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