Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
