it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
