you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
