I just pynch a tree in the face
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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