Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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