I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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