trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
